The Philosopher Red…Employed?

達磨 Dharma-Zen Painting-

達磨 Dharma-Zen Painting- (Photo credit: hira3)

So, on my way back to the Ghost Hotel this morning I met two tourists, I think…I hope they were passing through.  They were both whiter than the average tourist, and wearing black, which must have been murder in this heat.  Young wizards, I thought.  Just what this town needs.  They handed me a flyer advertising a spiritual retreat, and there, among several small pictures along the bottom…was a equally small picture of  the Philosopher Red with the title staff following his name.

He was in the Ghost Hotel, splayed out on my bed, when I entered our cavernous flop.

“Tell me you didn’t get a job at this joint…” I said, letting the flyer drop onto the bed next to him.  I was imagining the hubble-bubble toil and trouble being brewed up for me.

“Custodial staff, for now,” he said, ignoring the flyer, “but they have an adjunct medium position opening up in a month.”  He handed me a full-color, glossy brochure from a stack on the floor next to my candle.

I was right…trouble.  El Rancho de Los Milagros, right there on top.  It means something like Miracle Ranch in English.  Maxie Kahn’s wife, Miss Shari, runs the place.  Miss Shari and the El Rancho had both earned “colorful” reputations among locals, and in a small town, “colorful” is not always a good way to be thought of or described.  What comes to mind?

The first thing I noticed on the brochure was the photo of Maxie and Miss Shari, arms awkwardly intertwined, standing before a condo along the El Rancho de Los Milagros golf course.  Opening the flaps of the brochure…advertisement…advertisement and advertisements, mostly for somewhat related businesses…mostly known Kahn-owned operations.  There was a section for first-time visitors, listing gate fees based upon daily, weekly, and seasonal rates – parking included.  How magnanimous. Home and condominium prices were also listed, providing a buyer was approved by a board of directors, whoever they were, and became a member of the El Rancho de Los Milagros Assembly, whatever that entailed.  It didn’t sound like a healthy mix to me, but what could I –

El Rancho Rides Again!

El Rancho Rides Again! (Photo credit: Miss Shari)

“El Rancho de Los Milagros is the oldest community of spiritualists in Cost Rica,” Red began reading from another brochure.  “It’s a community of like-minded believers connected by the premise that the human soul has a continuous existence.  Our licensed and bonded spiritualists share a common belief  that it is possible to communicate, aided by their mediation and guidance, with the spirits of those who have passed from the physical world into the next.  They also offer property management seminars…” the Philosopher Red added, as if such an attraction would concern me…a guy who squats in a Ghost Hotel.

“I even signed you up for part-time and on-call work,” the Philosopher Red went on.  “I’ve vouched for you, said you’d…strive to provide an encouraging atmosphere for mediums and guests to talk about and experience the process of spirit communication.”

He was reading straight off a brochure, and the veins in the temples of my head were beginning to throb.

“It’s going to be great,” he said, oblivious to me rubbing my clenched fists into my eye sockets.  “It’ll be regular work…they’ve promised me staff openings at the Healing Creek, the Inspiration Stump, and the Waves of Woe Grieving Cove.”

“We’re screwed,” I said, looking further into the text of the brochure.   The special events planned by the Medium League of Los Milagros were notorious around Tamarindo…something to be avoided.  Sometimes they had Bingo, other times, karaoke, and –

“Forty dollars,” I said, pointing at the bottom of the brochure where “suggested donations” were listed for specific services, events, and souvenier spoons available to members and non-members, residents and aliens. “Someone’s going to give you forty dollars an hour to commune with them on the Inspiration Stump…or wail with them at the Waves of Woe Grieving Cove?”

The Philosopher Red was saying something to me, but I was reading, and re-reading, the final line…the one with the asterisk…the discaimer…

*Price and quality are not necessarily related.

“They’ve also got their own police force and volunteer fire department,” the Rude Red Dude was saying, as if some sense of safety were an issue.

This set me to thinking about how a psychic police force would work,,,a police department with nothing but psychics and seers and prognosticators.  I thought about squads of police rushing to the anticipated scene of a crime…cornering…beating…cuffing a perpetrator, before the crime was even committed.  A psychic court?  Does anyone need show up?  A psychic jail?  Hmmm…

This led to the consideration of how a volunteer psychic fire department would operate.  Did they need to be called if there were a fire?  Were they allowed to stop a fire before it started?  Or, did they have to wait, with hoses and tools at the ready, for the fire to start?  This could be amusing for a while…and, it had been a while since the Philosopher Red had prophesied anything, at least from what I remember.  He has been through some changes since he was last expected to do anything esoteric or cosmic, or even responsible.

Some days…I just feel like a guy about to be…

Señor de los Milagros

Señor de los Milagros (Photo credit: chosicarelax)

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17 thoughts on “The Philosopher Red…Employed?

  1. Cristi M. says:

    I nominated you for the Shine On Award.If you want to accept, please visit this link
    http://cristimoise.wordpress.com/2013/03/21/shine-on-award-part-ii/

  2. There must be more than one Inspiration Stump in the world, or perhaps it is a roaming, moaning stump, since I think I’ve seen one last time I was at Sedona, Arizona and their claim to fame: the energy vortex tours (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedona,_Arizona#Vortices) Because if you’re going to spend a lot of money for something, it should be something invisible and untouchable and you only know you’re in contact with it when the tour guide says, “you are now touching a vortex.” … sort of like how I assume Baptists must view their cranky, angry God.

    • coyotero2112 says:

      Lot of the inpiration for this came from Lilydale in Cassadaga, New York. A woman tried me to go there, and was telling me about the police and volunteer fire dept. Reality is so much stranger than a lot of what I can think up…all I can do is embellish on the nonsense already here. I’m undone.
      Later…

      • Those are the best kind of embellishments, the ones that are already true. The writer’s job then simply becomes telling it how it really was in a way that actually sounds believable. Perhaps that’s the trickiest part pf all, which is why you do it so well.

        • coyotero2112 says:

          It all seems so simple when people are mis-behaving. My silly Time news report today, Saudi Arabia is considering firing squads now, because they are experiencing a shortage of good sword men. This just screams for an idiotic story built around it. Copped a G.W. Bush bit from a campaign speech when asked about how many executions he had signed off on –
          “We are a society based on the sanctity of life, and its this belief that justifies our polciies toward the use of the deah penalty.” Used it word for word in the book I’m working on. Why think of ignorant statements when they’re lying about waiting to be Liberated?
          Later…

          • Or Paul Ryan saying, “This to us is something that we’re not going to give up on, because we’re not going to give up on destroying the health care system for the American people.” The boys at FOX tried to spin it as an error, but it seems to be the first time he was being honest in his life.

            • coyotero2112 says:

              I miss the instant wealth of idiocy…just saw Sarah Palin, calling people name, drinking from a Big Gulp, and yacking bout her guns. My dim relatives can’t believe I moved to a third world, socialist country that has no army…”How do you sleep at night?” Quoting John Lennon to me, although I think he was talking about McCartney being a sell-out…they think I’m in immenant danger. I am, of running out of idiotic public figures to provide me with subject matter and lines I’d have to bleed out of my fingers.
              Later…

              • Has anyone ever explained, when news of John’s murder was first released, Paul’s rather blase reaction? If memory serves me right (and if it doesn’t I’m sure youtube might help) wasn’t his reaction that he needed to go to the studio and record? Or am I mistaking him for some other heartless zombie with a knack for lovely melodies?

                • coyotero2112 says:

                  Never heard that..but it doesn’t sound out of character for the Mac-Daddy of Melodies.
                  Just finishing a post about that poet from Pakistan I told you about, Maryam Shahbaz. I expect some more government scrutiy, for nothing more than praising an “enemy” of the state. Oh well…here goes.
                  Later…

  3. I am pleased to hear that the Philosopher Red has work. It sounds like something that is a good match for him. [*Price and quality are not necessarily related.] I could name a couple of restaurants here in New York who should add this disclaimer to their menus. Fun read. PEACE-

    • coyotero2112 says:

      Some fun now. Got a lot of this from a real medium resort near Cassadega, New York…just embellished a bit. Truth is stranger than most stuff I can think of.
      Later…

  4. Bingo from the far side… *snork* I am SO waiting to hear of your duties as the bingo caller of the beautiful and the damned.

  5. tocksin says:

    This psychic prisons sounds like a doable plot along the lines of one of those plots where people start going blind.

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