My Origin – A Mysterious Howl and Moonbeams

English: Coyote attempts to get persimmons fro...

English: Coyote attempts to get persimmons from Opossum in a traditional native American Caddo story. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I received an e-mail from an online ancestry search site this morning.  It seems that I have little measurable genetic connection to any human gene series yet discovered.  Does this bit of information surprise me?  Not really.  Is it going to surprise my mother?  I think so…she has vivid, concrete memories of birthing me.  Is this going to make my life a bit more complicated?  Yes, definitely, and it’s already begun.

I was sitting on a porch in Washington state with a friend of mine last time I was in the United States, and she told me about the ancestry search she had begun using the same online site.  She is adopted and wanted to find out about her ethnic background.

The moon was full, we had finished off two bottles of Pinot Noir and were opening a third one.  A coyote was howling in the distance.  Nothing of this story so far is unusual, but somehow the combination gave me the urge to follow my friend’s lead and investigate my ancestry through the site, a service operated by the Mormon Church…and if you can’t trust the Mormons with genealogical research, who can you trust?

 

My first DNA submission was a blood sample.  I received a notice that testing had been inconclusive, and would I send in another sample.  I did.  The second was not only inconclusive, but confusing.  I was asked to send in more samples – hair, blood, and skin.  I did.  The e-mail I received today listed only one possible earthly connection, canis latrans, the common coyote.  But, after performing a process referred to as a “split” only 4,739 genetic markers could be found that would even connect me to a coyote.

 

The most famous of the Moon rocks recovered, t...

The most famous of the Moon rocks recovered, the Genesis Rock, returned from Apollo 15. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is where it gets really weird.

The e-mail also informed me that my DNA had been sent to a lab which tested fossil DNA sample, hoping for some reasonable place to start.  The lab workers had been frustrated, and one of them…must have been a real smart-ass type, tested my samples against the elemental make-up of a moon rock brought back from the second Apollo mission.  They informed me my connection to material from the moon rock sample was equal to that of canis latrans.

I have no idea what my mother is going to say when she hears this.

I do know what the governments of Washington state and the United States of America are going to say, because they’ve said it.

I received another e-mail from the state of Washington, not an hour later.  The message was a confusing bit of governmental nonsense about re-examing my birth certificate, driver’s license, and teaching certifications.  This didn’t really bother me too much.  My driver’s license has been either revoked or suspended for about as many years as it’s been active.  But, since I’m planning a trip to the states soon, I called my lawyer in San Jose to make sure I could get back in the country with only one form of photo ID, which they’re very uptight about here.  He was near apoplectic.

“Who you are…I am meaning, what you are?” he nearly screamed into the phone.  He’s only a generation down out of the hills, and has a grandmother who is a practicing curandera…a witch to most people.  He told me he had received a visit from an American Embassy official inquiring as to my whereabouts, since I’ve moved several times since registering with them.  “We no service dogs, or coyotes, or what you ever are,” he said, calming down a bit.  I heard a voice in the background.

“And we no take rocks, either, you demonio desde…”  He never swears…even the words ” demon from hell.”

I also have a grandmother who was a bit strange when it came to natural healing, one who claimed messages sent to her from “other” sources.  She was one of those “there’s one born every minute” people who bought a deed to a piece of property on the moon back in the 1970s…those fakey things that some enterprising American had made up during the excitement of the lunar landings.  I mean, seriously…is there a country where there are more hucksters, selling more useless junk, to a more gullible populace, than in the U.S.?  I own a piece of the moon.  And, now – at least according to the most reliable of ancestory specialists – I am descended from a piece of the moon.  I have no idea how this is all going to turn out…who would?

 

Coyote pup

Coyote pup (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Can I really be some sort of coyote and moon rock mix?  I found an odd photograph during a Google Image search, labeled simply “coyote pup” …but look at it.  It looks lunar to me.  Maybe I’m just being paranoid…but, paranoia is simply realizing how weird things CAN get, according to some people.  Is this my first baby picture?

I’ll have to get back to you all on this one…after I field a few frantic, dramatic, and disturbing e-mails and/or phone calls from my mother, no doubt.  I don’t fear governments, but mothers are a different story.

Later…

 

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31 thoughts on “My Origin – A Mysterious Howl and Moonbeams

  1. bluebrightly says:

    I have no time, am miserably behind on blog reading and very tired. But I read to the end, it’s very amusing, and I especially loved the last line about mothers & gov’s. Cheers!

    • coyotero2112 says:

      Thanks… I know the feeling. I do my blog, much of my wife’s, and I’m writing for money again…yeah, money. How strange. It’s hard to keep up with all the people whose blogs I enjoy – yours being one of them.
      Keep on keepin’ on…
      Later….

    • coyotero2112 says:

      Thanks… I know the feeling. I do my blog, much of my wife’s, and I’m writing for money again…yeah, money. How strange. It’s hard to keep up with all the people whose blogs I enjoy – yours being one of them.
      Keep on keepin’ on…
      Later….

  2. kelihasablog says:

    Love it… LOL 😀

  3. shimmyshark says:

    Yes, there is one born every minute, and you still “ain’t right,” as one of your readers pointed out.

  4. I’d be careful, my friend. Now that the moon rocks know you’re onto them, they might start taking drastic steps to prevent you from letting the world know about their existence through something like … blogging. Oh no! Flee while you can. Extraterrestrial minerals never show any mercy.

    • coyotero2112 says:

      Which is evidenced by the security measures and climate-control devices surrounging it. There’s danger in them there minerals, and any living descendents must be kept tabs on. Coyotes…who cares. They drink from Bel-Air swimming pools, as well as mud puddles in Cleveland…they’re 100 colones a dozen.
      Later…

      • Hey! Water from Cleveland is what kids in Detroit use to dare each other to drink in order to prove who was the baddest. Lake Erie Specials. Any coyote who can drink that and survive is not only some DNA-altered freak but probably has world conquest on its mind. I know I would.

        • coyotero2112 says:

          And everybody I asked in Cleveland said Detroit was exactly the same, just a touch less glamour. Then I went to Akron…they all said the same thing about Erie, Pennsylvania, where residents badmouthed Toledo and Gary as the holes in the Rust Belt attempt to form a warm, social fabric to draw tourism.
          Later….

          • All of which pales in comparison to Canonsburg, Pennsylvania (birth place of Jonathan Letterman, the “Father of Battlefield Medicine” during the Civil War) and voted “The most radioactive town in America” (at least by Wikipedia, the font of all knowledge). From said article, I love this quote: “The Standard Chemical Company operated a radium refining mill from 1911 to 1922 … Marie Curie was invited to the United States in 1921 and was given an honorary degree by the University of Pittsburgh, and one gram of radium.” (because what mill in 1921 wasn’t handing out free samples of radioactive rocks to every and anyone who asked? Coca-cola might have originally used coca leaves but no one ever asked what gave Pepsi drinkers that healthy green glow)

            • coyotero2112 says:

              I would recommend that fleeting rush of the Peruvian marching powder over the green glow of Curie’s cure any day…and recommend to everyone to stay clear of Soda Pop of any sort, or the rest could quickly become irrelevant. Canonsburg, huh…a new stop on my toxic cities itinerary.
              Later…

              • Yes, for the most part I avoid sugar-sick drinks, though I just read an account of a Nigerian fisherman who survived for three days on the bottom of the ocean after his boat capsized by breathing air trapped in the hull and drinking Cocoa-cola. Perhaps there is a use for even the most diabetes-inducing of drinks, after all.

                • coyotero2112 says:

                  LAGOS, Nigeria (UPI): A Nigerian fisherman who survived three days on Coca Cola after his fishing boat capsized in the Atlantic has escaped the Rongori Asylum for the Criminally Addicted. He is reported to be hyper-active, dangerous, and armed with an arsenal of tin missiles.
                  Ajibati Omabokum reported to fulfill a court-ordered in-house treatment sentence on Friday, June 14, after burgling seventeen convenience stores, thirteen houses, and the armed robbery of two Bangori Beverages delivery trucks, taking nothing but cases of the American soft drink, Coca Cola. “Just one more, and I’ll quit,” Omabokum called out to the judge and courtroom audience as he was led away in shackles. His escape, using a jagged-edged tin can, came only hours after his admission. Omabokum has reportedly fell in with a radical group, the Radium Fondling Renegades, and is now facing a life sentence on Green-Glow Soda Pop Atoll.

  5. Val Mills says:

    Loved reading this 🙂 your writing held me all the way through

  6. How do you know your mother hasn’t been worried about how to keep this information from you? 🙂

    • coyotero2112 says:

      I know she has…and now she’s in full denial mode, and back pedaling like mad. She needs an inverted exercise machine, and a ukeale-acize instructor to soothe her frayed nerves, now that I’ve outed her.
      Later…

  7. jannatwrites says:

    Coyotes, huh? Makes sense…you subconsciously knew this, which is why “coyote” is in the name you use when commenting. The moon rock is hysterical. It’s almost offensive that they would even test your DNA against that!

    • coyotero2112 says:

      Two Columbian friends started calling me Coyotero, because I’m so quiet and always surprising them. My mum…she’s in total denial, especially the moon rock biz.
      Later…

  8. melissajanda says:

    Aww, you were such a cute baby 🙂

  9. I would think being descended from intelligent beings like coyotes would give you an edge. The rock on the other hand. I’m just saying

  10. jerwayne2013 says:

    I can assure you that mother didn’t have an affair with a moon rock…tehe So that is out. Nor was there an affair with a coyote..so that is out. Try half Norwegian & Danish–that I know. Very interesting read.

  11. Wherever you came from, you ain’t right. 🙂

  12. mrs fringe says:

    Hmmm, in trying to sort out fact from enhanced-for-your-reading-pleasure, I come to this. Be well, and stay away from Mormon coyotes.
    😉

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