Saving Women from the Abyss of Criminality

people breeding or how rats view us?

people breeding or how rats view us? (Photo credit: Ken Kindoku 菌毒)

“Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of sex.”

This comes to you, from me, as quoted from the Equal Rights Amendment.  I was always fascinated by the “…on account of sex.” bit…as if my rights would be abridged or denied for participating.  Then I got educated.

In my Hall of Musty and Dusty Books Library I’ve become a bit more enlightened, and I’d like to share a bit of how Women have been separated from the fates of rats, cats, pigs and she-asses.

The E.P. Evans’ book, The Criminal Prosecution and Capital Punishment of Animals (1906), has been my starting point for animal criminality…my memories of Ronald Reagan and Pat Robertson – along with a bit of research on the Equal Rights Amendment – my re-education as to the criminal tendencies of women.  Let’s explore the dangers suggested by animals first.

Evans claims to know of 191 animal trials between 824 AD and the year his book was published.  Here’s a few Hi-Lites:

A she-ass condemned to death in France in 1750 was pardoned because of good character.  There’s not much information concerning this case, coming at the end of a paragraph about the Catholic Church’s reasoning for accusing, prosecuting, and punishing animals for crimes usually thought of as exclusively human transgressions.  Their reasoning – it that’s a proper term – was based on Plato’s assertion that animals are intelligent, and therefore responsible for their actions.  This doesn’t seem to follow traditional religious reasoning, but…you know…sometimes times get dull.  There’s got to be someone, or something, to keep the religious persecution business bumping along.

So a she-ass slipped through the legal system of the time by being interesting, or at least trustworthy.  Other cases were more fully documented.


Pig! (Photo credit: timsackton)

A sow and her piglets were accused of murdering and partially eating a child in Lavegny, France, in 1457.  Hauled into court, the sow was sentenced to death.  Guess all that Plato-suggested intelligence wasn’t as deeply cynical as the situation called for, since any sow should know that justice is a business, and we all get as much “justice” as we can – or are willing to – afford.  The courts back then did have some mercy though.  The sow’s piglets were acquitted because of their youth, the bad example their mother had set, and a lack of evidence that they had took part in her crime.  Probably went on to terrorize in their later years…cull the bad apples while the culling is good, we all know now.  More nonsense?  Sure…there’s plenty to go around.

In another landmark case of French jurisprudence,  some rats were charged with feloniously eating and wantonly destroying the province’s barley crop.  This was in 1522…Autun, France.  When the rats failed to show, their attorney argued the summons was too specific, and the summonses should be read from a church pulpit.  They were.  Again, the rats failed to show.  This time their attorney argued his clients were afraid to leave their holes out of fear of their accuser’s cats.  A bit of legal maneuvering over bonds from cat owners guaranteeing their animals would not molest the rats left the court befuddled, and another court date was left up in the air, and eventually forgotten as a case of Black Death ravaged the lands about the time of the crimes.  Rat’s favor…they also were acquitted, and more power to them.  Now, speaking of rats, pigs, and asses, here’s a couple of appropriate quotes from some defenders of the common good of men, if not women:

Ronald Reagan wearing cowboy hat at Rancho del...

Ronald Reagan wearing cowboy hat at Rancho del Cielo. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Human beings are not animals,” Ronald Reagan said during the debate over the Equal Rights Amendment, adding “…I do not want to see sex and sexual differences treated as casually and amorally as dogs and other beasts treat them.  I believe this could happen under the ERA.”  Reagan supporter, popular televangelist, and one-time presidential candidate himself, Pat Robertson, made Reagan look like a moderate when he spewed the following:

“It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement,” he said, “that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”  As I often am when fully comprehending I share a common biology with such creatures, I am feeling a bit bedazzled by all this.  Do I need to repeat the full text of the Equal Rights Amendment?  Oh well…here goes a bit of it –

“Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any other state on account of sex.”

Thaaaaaaats All, Folks…. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

20 thoughts on “Saving Women from the Abyss of Criminality

  1. words4jp says:

    Oh gee. I look at the she-ass, pigs and rats – it seems as if the practice of law has not really evolved that much since the 1400’s…… Any cool cases about crabs? Just curious….. She-ass inquiring minds would like to know;)

    Later gator……

  2. Now I know what my next tattoo will say, “she-ass”! (it all falls apart without the hyphen) … and speaking of the criminal prosecution and capital punishment of barnyard fowls I found an article about Victorian England and the problem of unlawful drunkenness concerning chickens. Apparently it was a problem.

    • coyotero2112 says:

      Too funny. I had no idea, and I’m into obscure trivia. Wondering if the tree that fell on the AEP lines and created the blackout in 2006, or whenever that was, was taken to task for causing the largest electricity failure in history. Thinking they could have cut a deal.

  3. Well, well, well…so THIS is how lesbians are created. Needless to say, I was shocked to discover my roots. And Ronald Reagan, too. The hits just keep on rolling. 🙂 Can’t wait for your wife to read. A recovering Catholic, perfect for sainthood.

    • coyotero2112 says:

      You were on my mind when I wrote this. I thought you could spread the Cheer to Slow, Pretty, and the rest of the Pack. That Pat Rob dude was always such a fine source of misguided puffery and acidic attack rhetoric gone wrong when I still had the stomach for writing about politics. Woof the the gang, and x’s and o’s to Slow and Pretty…be back soon, if I don’t get lost on my next series of mis-directed flights.

  4. mrs fringe says:

    Heh. Not sure whether to laugh at the stupidity (of men and politics, not the sow), flip someone the bird, or just cry–as I see the gap of inequality growing in our country.

  5. ioniamartin says:

    And this is why I USED to be Roman Catholic. I am a she ass.

    • coyotero2112 says:

      At least you’re evolving in the right direction. 🙂 You are always too funny – I don’t stand a chance…I’m going to have to start getting serious or something.

  6. Nice research. I thought you were going to the position that if one is engaging in sex one’s rights cannot be denied or abridged and then what happens after the sex is over? Your animal twist was equally enjoyable.

  7. Fascinating factoids. The Catholic Church view further reinforces my wise decision to part ways with it decades ago. Enjoying the shares found in your M&D Books Library. Thanks!

    • coyotero2112 says:

      This place is wild…the best part of my trip away from my usual tropical beach of tranquility. Waiting for the wife – a recovering Catholic – to read this. She always gets a kick of my irreverence. Thanks for the fun comment.

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