Two Saints for Comic Debris

Statue de Saint Mathurin dans l’église de Tessy-sur-Vire (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I must confess, I am not a Catholic.

The Philosopher Red:  “Do you realize what you’re writing?  Confess…you write like you’re really lost sometimes.   I think -”

I think I’m becoming irritated with the Philosopher Red…he’s always looking over my shoulder, making untoward and useless comments about everything from word choice to standing up straight when I write.  Anyway…

Even though I’m not Catholic, I’ve searched out a couple of saints, just in case I need some saving grace.  Without further interruption, I’ll introduce them and get to the Mercado Organico.

The Philosopher Red: “Interruption?  It’s more like the firm guidance your type needs to be relevant in this -”

Anyway…here they are in their glory.

Saint Mathurin (alias, Saint Maturinis) – A French exorcist and missionary – died c. 300 A.D.  Fathered  by a Christian exterminator named Marinus, and mothered by Euphemia – both pagans – he was secretly baptized at the age of twelve and in no time was driving out demons and calming rowdy or riotous behaviour in local ne’er-do-wells.  He even converted his parents to Christianity.  Tough work, if one can get it.

Saint Mathurin got the plumb gig of Saint-hood when he was called to Rome to exorcise some ugly and persistent behavioral patterns from the emperor’s daughter-in-law, Flavia Maximiana Theodora.  Other citizens reported similar difficulties, and Mathurin’s reputation grew.  He died three years after his mission in Rome began, and ill-tempered in-laws were not unhappy.

For reasons unknown – maybe because all the prime gigs were taken already by the previously canonized – Mathurin’s name was invoked against mental illness and infertility.   Due to his association with the mentally ill, he also became known as the patron saint of comic actors, jesters, clowns, sailors (in Brittany),  tinmen (in Paris), and plumbers everywhere.  Plumbers?

I get the mentally ill association with these avocations, but where do the invocations for increased fertility come in?  Was fourth century France short on laughs or suffering from leaky plumbing?  Oh, well…onward.

Saint Vitus – Almost nothing is known of Vitus’s life, except he was from Sicily, and he died in 303 A.D. during a Christian cleansing craze carried out by the Roman Emporers Diocletian and Maximian.  St. Vitus’ Day is celebrated on June 15 by those who who still cling to the Julian Calendar, and on June 28 by modern Gregorian calendar types.  Oh, one other small item; Saint Vitus is often pictured in a cauldron since he was once tossed into one full of burning oil, only to emerge unscathed. Interesting…

In the Middle Ages worshippers would dance crazily before statues of their saint…such activity inspiring the term “St. Vitus Dance.”  It has since been applied to sufferers of the neurological disorder Sydenham’s chorea.

As fate would have it, Saint Vitus became the patron saint of dancers, actors, comedians, epileptics, and all performers in general.  This discovery was a relief to me, being a horrible dancer, actor, and comedian, as well as fairly accomplished epileptic.

Maybe it was because Saint Mathurin had already been given the unhinged entertainer beat, but Saint Vitus was given a few other responsibilities as well.  He is invoked as the protector against lightning strikes, animal attacks, and oversleeping.

Some days, or I should say, most days, I am just baffled by human beings.  Can I really insure myself against lightning strikes, animal attacks, AND oversleeping?  I dance crazily, if I do at all, but do I have to remember to do it on a certain day to insure my safety against these dangers?  Are these protections guaranteed, or do they come with an asterisk?  I am so in the dark…can someone please fill me in?

Anyway, with my conditions being what they are, Saint Mathurin and Saint Vitus are going in my Hall of Heroes.

Good day all, and watch out for lightning strikes, salivating animals, crazy clowns, bad actors, and most of all…don’t oversleep!